Editor's note: The following article is a rerun. We originally posted this little gem on June 30, 2007, but the compulsion to keep this blog updated combined with the lack of time to do so has led us to throw it like a half-eaten smoked turkey leg at you, our salivating and desperate readership. Hope you enjoy it as much the second time around.
The very thought of tossing a book onto a bonfire usually evokes strong reactions, even from those who don't read books. Whenever the practice is mentioned, the popular mind is transported to its employment by goose-stepping Nazis, or perhaps KJV-only enthusiasts. Overall, the current mood is decidedly against throwing anything that has been professionally (or otherwise) bound into anything that might burn it up.
I feel that this is a one-dimensional view of the matter, and one that requires dimensional expansion.
The first complication that can be thrown into the debate is the diversification of motive. When Hitler ordered the burning of certain materials, it was in order to censor them and prevent those under his control from encountering ideas in opposition to the Third Reich. When KJV-only haters of the Revised Standard Version threw it in the fire, they had similar aspirations, but on a much smaller scale. To burn a book as an act of censorship is ethically questionable in almost every case.
However, it is the opinion of this non-book publication that burning a book out of frustration can be a valid and even rewarding activity. And while this author has never gotten up the nerve to throw any of his library onto a flaming pyre, he remembers thinking how cathartic such a move might be after his first encounter with James Joyce. How else is one able to take revenge against the dead?
Concerning the subject of Bibles, however, the issue gets stickier. Especially in light of the ongoing special reports featured on this website which have explored the 'pimp my Bible' phenomenon, it is not motive that should be questioned, but rather method.
Since the Bible (in most translations) is, after all, Holy Writ, burning the words and works of Jesus takes on Jeffersonian gravity. Is the scripture itself the source of frustration? Speaking as an utterly loyal devotee of the Bible, I can certainly confess to my own Luther-esque moments where I wanted to burn certain parts. Nevertheless, we have what we have, and that's what we have.
The trick is to figure out how to deface offensive add-ons without damaging the actual scripture. This can be extremely difficult, since often these theologically (or aesthetically) offensive accessories are on one side of a page, while the text of the scriptures is on the other side, making it impossible to burn bathwater without also burning a little bit of baby.
That being said, we recommend the following course of action to any who want to engage in the cathartic practice of destroying the pimped-out part of pimped-out Bibles: take some writing utensil (not a Sharpie, since Bible pages tend to have a high bleed factor, but something sufficiently dark) and scribble furiously over things such as C.I. Scofield's footnote to Revelation identifying the pope as Antichrist, or the Princess Bible's millisecond meditations on how to be a pretty princess and a convincing Christian at the same time.
And, since none of you should be using any of your own money to purchase these violated Bibles in the first place, it's probably a good idea to just go into a local Christian bookstore and take care of the issues with the items on the shelves, so that the people who eventually buy them won't get confused.
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