What The Vice President Meant To Say: Here's How To Find Me And Kill Me

Joe Biden has become such an entertaining public figure that we here at Apoloblogology have decided to elevate him to the level of Unintentional Humor Correspondent, joining the ranks of Stephen Baldwin and Aimee Semple MacPherson. His latest: revealing the location of a secret bunker used to hide the Vice President in instances of grave threats to his life:

According to a report, while recently attending the Gridiron Club dinner in Washington, an annual event where powerful politicians and media elite get a chance to cozy up to one another, Biden told his dinnermates about the existence of a secret bunker under the old U.S. Naval Observatory, which is now the home of the vice president.

The bunker is believed to be the secure, undisclosed location former Vice President Dick Cheney remained under protection in secret after the 9/11 attacks.

According to (Eleanor) Clift's report on the Newsweek blog, Biden "said a young naval officer giving him a tour of the residence showed him the hideaway, which is behind a massive steel door secured by an elaborate lock with a narrow connecting hallway lined with shelves filled with communications equipment."

Clift continued: "The officer explained that when Cheney was in lock down, this was where his most trusted aides were stationed, an image that Biden conveyed in a way that suggested we shouldn't be surprised that the policies that emerged were off the wall."

And of course, no wacky statement by the man a heartbeat away from the presidency would be complete without some poor, poor spokesperson attempting to say that the VP actually meant to say the opposite of what he actually did say:

"What the Vice President described in his comments was not -- as some press reports have suggested (my note: and as Biden himself suggested)-- an underground facility, but rather, an upstairs workspace in the residence, which he understood was frequently used by Vice President Cheney and his aides," said Biden's spokesperson Elizabeth Alexander. "That workspace was converted into an upstairs guestroom when the Bidens moved into the residence. There was no disclosure of classified information."

Translation: my boss doesn't actually know what's classified and what's not.

Again, I urge the press office of the White House: please, please, please, don't ever make Joe Biden stop talking.