You'll Think You've Died And Gone To Heaven. Or Perhaps The Final Frontier.

Reader Gail F. passes along the following link to cremation urns and caskets that thematically reflect a love of Star Trek while the deceased was alive on this earth. If you want those present at your burial to think that you're more likely to share an eternity with Klingons rather than the King of Kings, then by all means, start saving up. Debuts in 2009.

Mark Shea And I Discuss Whether Or Not The Discovery Of Extraterrestrial Intelligence Would Swiftly And Comprehensively Negate All Religious Belief

Tomorrow morning at 6:40 on You Know Where.

Not that any of you will be awake...

Fodder For Your Local Coffehouse Conspiracy Committee

In a turn of events that most of us thought was inevitable, one of the veterans from the "moon missions" has come out saying that NASA, among its other numerous foibles, has tried to cover up the existence of intelligent life on planets other than ours. Edgar Mitchell, one of the crew members from Apollo 14 and a person who claims to have set foot on the Moon Herself, has come out with the following conspiracy fodder in a recent interview with the Australian Press:

Dr Mitchell, 77, said during a radio interview that sources at the space agency who had had contact with aliens described the beings as 'little people who look strange to us.'

He said supposedly real-life ET's were similar to the traditional image of a small frame, large eyes and head.

Chillingly, he claimed our technology is "not nearly as sophisticated" as theirs and "had they been hostile", he warned "we would be been gone by now".

Dr Mitchell, along with with Apollo 14 commander Alan Shepard, holds the record for the longest ever moon walk, at nine hours and 17 minutes following their 1971 mission.

"I happen to have been privileged enough to be in on the fact that we've been visited on this planet and the UFO phenomena is real," Dr Mitchell said.

"It's been well covered up by all our governments for the last 60 years or so, but slowly it's leaked out and some of us have been privileged to have been briefed on some of it."

As usual, NASA's response to the issue is far more humorous than Dr. Mitchell's claims:

'Dr Mitchell is a great American, but we do not share his opinions on this issue.'

Translation: Dr. Edgar Mitchell is an American Hero. Also, Dr. Mitchell is out of his bleeping mind. Have a nice day, we have to leave to go find some of our confidential spaceship plans from the 60's that one of our interns spilled coffee on and threw in the garbage.

I am further inspired to work on my backyard garden, foster growth in my local economy, and let the universe do as it may. Viva Hartwell!

"Not Quite A Planet And Not Quite Steam..."

It's official, as of this past week. Pluto, once heralded as a planet, then derogatorily referred to officially in the scientific community as a "dwarf planet," has now been unceremoniously stripped of that title and has had it replaced by the unimpressive designation of "plutoid." The International Astronomical Committee on Small Body Nomenclature (no, that's not a fake organization, and yes, we wish we had made it up) made the call on June 11, sentencing school districts worldwide to millions of dollars in science textbook replacement penalties.

Fortunately, Pluto still gets to keep the label of "celestial being," a phrase that works pretty well as a pickup line until the girl you use it on realizes you're calling her a plutoid.

Why Joe Schriner Still Holds A Special Place In My Heart

Hey, buddy! That's a foul, and you know it!

Joe is for the people first, and the planets waaay after that. I'm sure that he would make it a priority to fix the space station toilet, but not to fix the arm of the Mars rover, as evidenced by his commentary below:

We are spending billions of dollars looking at potential water sources on Mars; while literally billions of people on this planet don’t have access to clean drinking water. Wouldn’t the billions of dollars be better spent on, oh I don’t know, maybe helping more with ”life” on this planet!?

Note: During Campaign 2004, I told the Wapokaneta News in Wapokaneta, Ohio (home of astronaut Neil — “One large step for mankind…” — Armstrong), that as president, I would work hard to end the Space Program.

Follow him through small town America here.