Someone Should Be Filming This

From Cincinnati.com:

Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco says he plans to stay with quarterback Carson Palmer’s family in July to make up for the lost time of the pair not working together much during the offseason.

Ochocinco spoke about his relationship with Palmer before appearing on “Joe Buck Live” on HBO on Monday night.

“We do argue all the time like a married couple,” he said. “I think that’s why we’ve been so successful together, because we have that type of relationship we can get on one another.”

Palmer had publicly criticized Ochocinco for not participating in offseason workouts. Ochocinco returned for organized team activities last week.

“For the time that I missed with Carson throughout the offseason, I’m going to make it up in July,” Ochocinco said.

I'm guessing that the first time Carson catches Chad drinking straight from the milk jug, there's gonna be trouble in paradise...

Bracketology 2009: Magisterial Fidelity Edition

In the spirit of President Dwight D. Eisenhower, who once described an atheist as someone "who watches a Notre Dame-SMU football game and doesn't care who wins," we here at the staff of Apoloblogology have decided to revisit the spirit of the Thirty Years' War and present to you "Bracketology 101: Magisterial Fidelity Edition."

This is a methodology of bracket selection I've employed for years, and works especially well for those who want to take part in office pools but don't have much interest in things like winning. The criteria go as follows:

1. In games between religious schools and nonreligious schools, the religious school is picked.

2. In games between Christian schools and schools with other religious affiliations, the Christian school is picked.

3. In games between Catholic schools and protestant schools, the Catholic school is picked.

4. In games between Catholic schools, the one with the highest degree of fidelity to the Magisterium is picked.

The rules are simple, and produce interesting results. I've taken the liberty of walking you through some of the more epic battles likely to take place when this method of bracket selection is applied. I've also taken liberty with the rules stated above, as a nod to those Magisterially unfaithful Catholic universities who love it when liberty gets taken with rules:

Midwest Round 2: Utah vs Wake Forest

One might think that the University of Utah is a state institution, but research reveals that it was actually founded by no less than Brigham Young himself, the Latter Day Saint of Latter Day Saints. Not only that, but its former name was the University of Deseret. And what, pray tell is Deseret? Well, it just happens to be the word for "honeybee" in the Jaredite language (hence, "The Beehive State"). For those of you who don't follow Mormon lore, the Jaredites were a tribe of people who sailed to the Americas during the construction of the Tower of Babel. I say the Baptists at Wake Forest will handily win this one.

West Round 4: BYU vs Marquette

Here's a fun quote from our pal Brigham Young:

"Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives, and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned."

Jesuit run-Marquette, all the way.

East Round 3: Villanova vs Duke

Duke's Divinity school has an impressive roster, with the likes of Stanley Hauerwas and Amy Hall, and I liked Grant Wacker's book on Pentecostalism. I feel my Methodist tendencies rising. This one goes into double overtime, before the Wildcats win on a buzzer beater.

Midwest Round 3: Wake Forest vs Siena

I really enjoyed Wake Forest president Nathan Hatch's The Democratization of American Christianity; it's a must-read for anyone who wants some historical insight into why we are the way we are. However, St. Catherine of Siena, as it's been depicted in art, has been assaulted by evil spirits before and risen victorious, my guess is that her battle with the Demon Deacons will be similarly successful.

South Round 4: Syracuse vs Gonzaga

I have family connections to Syracuse; my in-laws met there. However, with St. Patrick's day coming this week, it would be an act of betrayal to support the cause of Orangeism, especially as it has manifested itself in Ireland. Gonzaga wins, but the families of the two teams dispute it for the next several centuries.

East Round 4: Xavier vs. Villanova

Scanning the faculty and course descriptions of Villanova's theology department, they appear to be, in the words of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, "Mostly Harmless." They may be the devil I don't know. But the devil I do know is Xavier University, which is peppered with staff who think that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were the ancestors of the Marovingian kings, and that his body was eaten by wild dogs. Go 'Nova.

Midwest Round 3: Dayton vs Boston College

This is a tough one; Dayton has the Marian Library, which is pretty amazing. Boston College has Peter Kreeft, who might himself be considered a walking library. Plus, BC just put crucifixes back in the classrooms, which I applaud. Dayton could certainly take a hint or two when it comes to Catholic identity. However, because I have paid partial money toward an eventual degree at Dayton, I'll go with my potential future alma mater. Flyers in a squeaker.

Feel free to leave your own criteria for your bracket selection methodology in the combox below...

Say An Extra Prayer For The Holy Father

People with way too much time on their hands and bizarre rugby superstitions have determined that Pope Benedict XVI stands a 45% chance of dying by the end of 2008. Their reason for positing this prediction?

Since 1883 eight Pontiffs have died - five in Grand Slam years. Three deaths happened when Wales completed the sweep, and two others when Wales won the tournament but not the Grand Slam.

Interestingly, although the deaths did not always coincide with a Welsh Grand Slam win they did correspond with a victory of a predominantly Protestant nation - England, Scotland or Wales - rather than a Roman Catholic one such as France, Ireland, or Italy.

Dr Gareth Payne and colleagues said their findings suggest a link between the success of the Welsh rugby union team and papal deaths, so the Vatican medical staff "cannot fully relax until the new year arrives."

Dr Payne, of University Hospital Wales, Cardiff, said: "In recent times, an intriguing urban legend has arisen in Wales: 'every time Wales win the rugby grand slam, a Pope dies, except for 1978 when Wales were really good, and two Popes died.'

You can't make this stuff up, folks.

Combox Comment Of The Delta T

From loving husband, father, and former roommate "D" (yes, that's his real name) regarding our Bracketology post:

Really what you're saying is that Baylor is predestined to upset Xavier and Duke. However, I believe that Duke has the freedom and ability to will themselves a win past both.

Bracketology 101: Magisterial Fidelity Edition

"Quit fooling around, Lord! Toss me the rock!"

In the spirit of President Dwight D. Eisenhower, who once described an atheist as someone "who watches a Notre Dame-SMU football game and doesn't care who wins," we here at the staff of Apoloblogology have decided to revisit the spirit of the Thirty Years' War and present to you "Bracketology 101: Magisterial Fidelity Edition."

This is a methodology of bracket selection that my wife has employed for years, and works especially well for those who want to take part in office pools but don't have much interest in things like winning. The criteria go as follows:

1. In games between religious schools and nonreligious schools, the religious school is picked.

2. In games between Christian schools and schools with other religious affiliations, the Christian school is picked.

3. In games between Catholic schools and protestant schools, the Catholic school is picked.

4. In games between Catholic schools, the one with the highest degree of fidelity to the Magisterium is picked.

The rules are simple, and produce interesting results. I've taken the liberty of walking you through some of the more epic battles likely to take place when this method of bracket selection is applied. I've also taken liberty with the rules stated above, as a nod to those Magisterially unfaithful Catholic universities who love it when liberty gets taken with rules:

Midwest Region, Round 2: Gonzaga vs. Georgetown

We personally find it very difficult to determine degrees of Magisterial fidelity between Jesuit schools. In the end, Fr Peter Phan's antics prove fatal to his Hoyas on the court. Gonzaga wins.

West Region, Round 2: Xavier vs. Baylor

Here's a tricky one. True, Xavier's a Catholic school, and as a rule, should win this one. On the other hand, Baylor has Francis Beckwith, Michael Foley, and Tom Breen, and to our knowledge doesn't employ anyone from the Jesus Seminar. Baylor pulls the upset.

West Region, Round 2: Drake vs. San Diego

The religiously supercharged West Region also features this early battle between the relatively recently founded Catholic University of San Diego and the Drake Bulldogs. While Drake was founded by the Disciples of Christ, they currently claim no religious affiliation. San Diego in a landslide.

South Region, Round 3: St Mary's (California) vs. Marquette

To be honest, we plain old don't know very much about Christian Brothers-founded St Mary's, but I'd take the Vegas odds that they're in better standing with the Church than Marquette. St Mary's of California to the Elite Eight!

West Region, Round 3: BYU vs. San Diego

Brigham who? San Diego rises, triumphant.

West Region, Round 3: Baylor vs. Duke

I'm aware that Baylor's traditionally Calvinist, and that Duke is traditionally from the Wesleyan-Arminian tradition. However, following a tradition that supercedes this method of bracketology, I refuse under any circumstances to pick Duke past the second round. Baylor, in another upset.

East Region, Round 3: Mount St Mary's vs. Notre Dame

While it seems somewhat untoward to pit Our Lady against her mountain, these are the sorts of things that happen in the world of intercampus athletics. Following rule #4 as stated above, we think it's obvious which school is producing more vocations to the priesthood. Mount St Mary's wins the day.

West Region, Round 4: Baylor vs. San Diego

In general, Baptist higher education is more (unknowingly) faithful to the Pope than Catholic higher education. San Diego being a relatively unknown quantity as far as this analyst is concerned, I'll cut them some slack against the Mormons, but not against the Calvinists. Baylor to the Final Four!

South Region, Round 4: Oral Roberts vs. St Mary's (California)

Is anyone else disappointed that Oral Roberts' mascot isn't a 900 foot tall Jesus? St. Mary's of California to the Final Four!

Midwest Region, Round 4: Gonzaga vs. Siena

I hear decent things about Gonzaga. I hear no things about Siena. Gonzaga to the Final Four!

East Region, Round 4: Mount St Mary's vs. St Joseph

Pitting the Holy Family against itself? Absurd! I'm fairly certain the real St. Joseph would defer. Mount St. Mary's to the Final Four!

Final Four Matchup: Baylor vs. St Mary's (California)

I've made enough exceptions for Baylor so far. Why not make another? Baylor in the National Championship!

Final Four Matchup: Mount St. Mary's vs Gonzaga

I've met many impressive people from Mount St. Mary's. On second thought, those good things I heard said about Gonzaga were hearsay. Mount St. Mary's in the National Championship!

Championship Game: Baylor vs. Mount St. Mary's

Enough exceptions, Baylor. Mount St Mary's, the #65 seed play-in candidate, is the Cinderella story of the millenium.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Brett Favre Retiring From NFL