Saturday, November 29, 2008

This Day In History



On November 30, 1954, the Hodges Meteorite became the first extraterrestrial object on record to strike a human being, bouncing off a wooden radio console owned by Oak Hill, Alabama resident Ann Elizabeth Hodges, and deflecting onto her as she napped on her couch. Imagine the irony of being hit by a meteorite named after you...

An Absolute Gem From The Colbert Christmas Special

The editing is almost as great as the lyrics. Tip of the Hat to anyone who can find out whether the song was actually written by Toby Keith or Stephen's staff.

Friday, November 28, 2008

A Gift Idea For That Pneumatic Female In Your Brave New World



Gives a whole new meaning to the "(International) Noise Conspiracy's" song, Capitalism Stole my Virginity:
The (gift) certificates (to Planned Parenthood) come in $25 increments. They can be used for everything from birth control to $58 examinations that include breast exams and pap tests. Men who receive healthcare at Planned Parenthood can use them too.

"They can be seen for sexually transmitted disease screenings, HIV tests and general prostate exams and those kinds of things," said Struben-Hall.

Some Hoosiers 24-Hour News 8 talked to asked if the gift certificates could be used towards abortions. The answer is yes. But, Planned Parenthood said that's not the purpose of the gift certificates.

Struben-Hall said, "They really are intended for preventative healthcare. We decided not to put restrictions on the gift certificates so it's for whatever people feel they need the services for most."
Because, in the words of Margaret Sanger herself, "“The most merciful thing that a family does to one of its infant members is to kill it.”

And if you're trying to figure out which special person in your life that you don't want to be reproducing, Ms. Sanger offers this helpful suggestion:
"Negroes and Southern Europeans are mentally inferior to native born Americans."
Happy Black Friday, everyone!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Upon The Feast Of Blessed Miguel Agustin Pro



Catholic Online offers the following glimpse of Miguel's ministry in Mexico in the 1920's:
The churches were closed and priests went into hiding. Miguel spent the rest of his life in a secret ministry to the sturdy Mexican Catholics... He adopted many interesting disguises in carrying out his secret mininstry. He would come in the middle of the night dressed as a beggar to baptize infants, bless marriages and celebrate Mass. He would appear in jail dressed as a police officer to bring Holy Viaticum to condemned Catholics. When going to fashionable neighboorhoods to procure for the poor, he would show up at the doorstep dressed as a fashionable businessmam with a fresh flower on his lapel. His many exploits could rival those of the most daring spies. In all that he did, however, Fr. Pro remained obedient to his superiors and was filled with the joy of serving Christ, his King.
Note the policeman strolling behind him in the photo above, and the gloriously brazen smile beneath Miguel's false moustache.

Martyred by a Mexican firing squad in 1927.

Viva Cristo Rey!

And more reading material on the subject (since Christmas approaches rapidly...):

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Etymology 101: A Free Public Service From The Friendly Folks At Apoloblogology



Macabre

The first use of this word shows up in 1493, in reference to a dance of death. Basically, it's an Old French translation of the Middle Latin Machabaeorum, meaning "dance of the Maccabees." For those of you who may not have any books in your Bible between Malachi and Matthew, Judas Maccabeus and the other Jews in his family staged a revolt after Antiochus suppressed their religious practices and sacrificed a pig in the Temple. Needless to say, many a Maccabee met a macabre end in the process. Lots of references to tongues being cut out of the mouths of Jews who refused to eat pork and such.

And as II Maccabees itself tells us, it's not macabre at all, but "a holy and wholesome thought to pray for the dead."

This Day In History

On November 22, 1963, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. On the same day, British authors C.S. Lewis and Aldous Huxley also died. That being said, allow us to recommend that the following Peter Kreeft dialogue be read in commemoration:

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Dear Nancy Pelosi: Thomas Aquinas Has Left You Something In A Yugoslavian Dream Mailbox



Looks like the Serbian version of C. Everett Koop...

It took a dream about the Angelic Doctor to convert one of Eastern Europe's most notorious abortionists to pro-life advocacy. Stojan Adasevic is now one of the most outspoken advocates for the unborn in Serbia, and claims that St. Thomas appeared to him because he wanted to set the medical record straight:
“Influenced by Aristotle, Thomas wrote that human life begins forty days after fertilization,” Adasevic wrote in one article. La Razon commented that Adasevic “suggests that perhaps the saint wanted to make amends for that error.”
Now if we could just get the pro-abort Catholic political bloc to update their agendas...

A Real Live Royal Tenenbaum



Except instead of faking a terminal illness to bring his family together, this pastor faked a terminal illness to get lots of money from his congregation. Now the people who were trying to help him not die are wishing he were dead:
Angry Christians have condemned disgraced pastor Michael Guglielmucci's cancer hoax as the ultimate act of betrayal – and they want their money back.

His lawyer revealed yesterday that the inspirational preacher was receiving psychiatric help after confessing to faking a two-year battle with terminal cancer.

Mr Guglielmucci has been described as a Christian superstar, inspiring hundreds of thousands around the world as he performed his hit song Healer with an oxygen tube in his nose.
I'm guessing that faking a death is a lot more difficult than faking an illness, though it's unlikely that either is easy. You can't make this stuff up, people.

"Like Guglielmucci.... I'm the cult of personaliteeeee..."

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Thursday, November 13, 2008

This Day In History



On November 13, 1775, American troops under the command of Ethan Allen attacked the city of Montreal with pieces of furniture that exhibited classic design with a modern perspective.

We Are Living In The Freaking Future

Meet Jules. Jules has a special application wherein if you look at him, he can mimic your expressions. If Jules were trying to kill me, and I began to scream in terror, and I saw my own terror reflected in his mechanical visage, I think I would lose all hope.

And he looks eerily like Kevin Spacey.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Happy Anniversary, Exploding Whale

Author's Note: We originally published this last year on this date. However, it's just so great that we'll probably publish it every year until the end of the digital age.

On November 12, 1970, the Oregon Highway Division set out to rid the beach near Florence of the 45 foot long rotting carcass of a sperm whale. Collaborating with the US Navy, ODOT crews stuffed the carcass with a half ton of dynamite, hoping to fragment it into pieces small enough to be cleaned from the beach by scavenging seaside beasts.

Upon the detonation of the explosive charges, one reporter was heard to remark that "the blast blasted blubber beyond all believable bounds." One hunk of whale was reported to have landed on a car, smashing it pretty good. A significant portion of sperm whale carcass remained on the beach, and had to be cheerfully hand-collected by ODOT employees.

In a related incident, a slightly annoyed bowl of petunias was reported also to have been exploded just up the beach.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, The Exploding Whale Incident.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

R.I.P. Michael Crichton, 1942-2008



When reached for comment, Apoloblogology Correspondent Dr. Ian Malcolm kept repeating, "He left us! He left us!"

Thanks for all the memories of the future, and 500 seasons of E.R.

And here's a fun little prophecy he wrote about how the spiral-eyed mainstream media will soon shut down its kool-aid stand.

Remember, Remember, The Fifth Of November



Author's note: We posted this last year, but we are too overwhelmed with Other Stuff to write anything fresh right now. More later.

This day in history in 1605, Guy Fawkes and Robert Catesby, English Catholics, attempted to blow up Parliament under the torturous reign of James I. Captured before they could accomplish the task, they were executed quite publicly. To commemorate the event, every Guy Fawkes' day, English protestants often burn either Fawkes or the Pope in effigy.

As a playful counter to the above tradition, John Zmirak suggests the following practice in The Bad Catholic's Guide To Good Living:
"Why not get the baking enthusiasts in your family (i.e., the girls) to make a House of Parliament out of gingerbread? Find pictures of these exquisite Gothic buildings on the internet and make the best copy you can, lovingly adding details with the icing, perhaps evevn forming a tiny James I out of Marzipan. Unveil it at the outset of tonight's family dinner, or at a gathering of friends. As dinner unfolds, tell the story of Guy Fawkes and his friends. Then for dessert, take the gingerbread Parliament outside, stuff it with M-80 fireworks, and blow it all to hell."

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

An Election Reflection



From today's Psalm at Mass:
Dominion is the LORD’s,
and he rules the nations.
Thankfully, diety doesn't have term limits.

Dr. Ian Malcolm Speaks To Today's Electorate



"Oooh! Ahhh! That's how it always starts. Then later there's running, and screaming..."