Official Re-Endorsement: "Average Joe" Schriner For President

This post goes out to all those in the "lesser of two evils" camp, who think that it's better to vote for a pro-abort Republican than a pro-abort Democrat, or for a an anti-war Republican rather than an anti-war Democrat. The bottom line is, why vote for an evil at all? That being said, we hereby re-endorse our seminal horse for the 2008 United States presidency, the non-party bound Joe Schriner. Here, for your reading enjoyment, is a re-publishing of our interview with the only candidate for which we can vote and still get a good night's sleep:

ME: Most candidates seem to come at politics from a reactionary standpoint, while you seem to want to kill problems such as terrorism and health care at their roots. What do you consider to be the advantages of such an approach?

JOE: If you don't pull a weed out by its roots, it keeps growing back. And it's the same with societal problems. I told the Athens (OH) News that if youth grow up in dead-end poverty situations in LA, Chicago, New York... they are more apt to join: a gang. If youth grow up in dead end poverty situations in Baghdad, Kabul, Calcutta... they are more apt to join: a terrorist cell. So, ultimately, alleviating a good deal of terrorism at its roots means a redistribution of wealth to end poverty worldwide.

ME: You ran in 2000 and 2004, but didn’t make it into the White House. Having lost the electoral college the past two presidential votes, what motivates you to continue to run for the 2008 presidency?

JOE: Running for president is an excellent way to get a message out. Various parts of our message have appeared in some 1,700 newspapers, 175 regional network news shows, a good deal of radio, college talks, church talks... We are planting seeds and changing mind sets about social justice, environmental stewardship, healthy families. On health care, for instance, we talk about a hospital we researched in Grand Junction, Colorado, called the Marillac Clinic. It is staffed by volunteer doctors, volunteer nurses and volunteer community members who do paper work and janitorial work. It serves all those who don't have health care insurance in Grand Junction. If someone hears me talk about this on a radio show and volunteers at a local clinic (or starts a non-profit clinic like Marillac), we get a policy enacted long before we ever get to D.C. Also on the more existential side, you mention we "lost" the last two presidential elections. Question: If a candidate has the best platform for where the nation needs to go, but isn't elected: Did he/she lose, or did the country lose?

ME: Your van logged nearly 40,000 miles during the 2004 campaign, and will probably log that many or more miles campaigning for 2008. Are there any plans for a new mode of transportation on the drawing board, or do you intend to ride the current one until it passes on to vehicular glory?

JOE: Our platform calls for extreme conservation of resources on all levels. This includes meticulously taking care of one's vehicle in the midst of our "throw-away" mentality (during an interview with a professor who works with the Alternative Vehicles Department at Bowling Green State University, I learned it often takes more fossil fuel to manufacture a vehicle than the same vehicle will burn during its lifetime.) One of our campaign vehicles is 35 years old, the other is 33 years old. Not only will we keep them up and running for the duration [of the campaign]; they will, someday, be in the "Average Joe" Presidential Library.

ME: You come from a Scrabble family, much like myself. Currently, the running score after just over one year of marriage has myself with 31 wins and my wife with 10. Do you keep a running Scrabble tally within your own family, and if so, who is the familial champion?

JOE: I hav nevr beat my wif at skrable.

To quote the venerable knight who confronts Indiana Jones during the grail selection process, when it comes to political candidates, we all must "choose, but choose wisely." In our own martyr-preferential opinion, we once again "choose" Joe Schriner.

Would you rather be less wrong, or not wrong at all? You must vote to complain, and you can't complain if you empower a potentially evil regime. Therefore, vote for Joe, and save yourself a sleepless night or two.