I Will Have Myself Some Nightmares

George Bush was "gonna spread freedom" too. Everybody duck!

It's a cross between Napoleon Dynamite and Children of the Corn. The bongos make it harder to classify.

What's creepier? Children taking part in this, hand motions and all, or parents who force their children to take part in this? VH1 has a documentary on their hands some fifteen years in the future, if we all outlive the Mayan apocalypse.

Removal of the top part of my skull to Mark Shea.

Oh, Maria

Admirably inflammatory reader and combox frequenter "auret" comments:

one cannot preexist before one's mother... therefore mary is not the mother of God... at most she is the mother of the body he wore...

and how do you know he had mary's DNA... has there been blood tests i haven't heard about...

there is no proof whatsoever that her eggs were even used in the transaction...

God created life from nothing once before he could easily have done it with jesus..

either way it doesn't matter because she is only the mother to the physical shell not to any of the aspect that is God.

plus your reasoning requires a rather simplistic understanding of the concept of trinity...

Jesus is not the incarnation of the second person of the trinity...

The very fact of incarnation is the only reason that we have a concept of trinity

Jesus is the incarnation of God.
the incarnate Christ is the second person of the trinity

a timeless eternal God reaching into time in a physical way... and since God is timeless a part of him always exists at that time and place...

From God's perspective Jesus is Being Born, Living, Teaching, Dying, Rising... right now...

eternally right now...

mary is relatively insignificant to the process in my opinion...

Consider this one of the rare times on record that Rowan Williams has inspired anyone to have a theological discussion. Kudos, Archbishop.

Republican John LaBruzzo Of Louisiana Hates Poor People

Consider this an "ecclesial spine alert," as Archbishop Alfred Hughes has had the guts to speak out against this idiocy:

Archbishop of New Orleans Alfred C. Hughes has criticized a Louisiana lawmaker’s proposal to pay poor women to sterilize themselves, calling it “seriously wrong,” “blatantly anti-life,” and a “form of eugenics.”

Louisiana’s Rep. John LaBruzzo, a Republican from Metairie, last week said he is studying a plan to pay poor women $1,000 to have their Fallopian tubes tied.

His proposal would also cover other forms of birth control, such as vasectomies for men, and could also encourage tax incentives for college-educated, higher-income people to have more children, the Times-Picayune reports.

I was pretty sure we were becoming more like China by the second before I read this. Now I'm utterly convinced.

Brave New World, here we come.

More Nonexistent Than Weapons Of Mass Destruction

The widely criticized pre-emptive strikes on Iraq by the Bush administration based on the belief that weapons of mass destruction is certainly a regrettable thing. However, Bush is not the only one who wants to fight something that's not there:

JOHN MCCAIN: There is the Republican Guard in Iran, which Senator Kyl had an amendment in order to declare them a sponsor of terror. Senator Obama said that would be provocative.

So this is a serious threat. This is a serious threat to security in the world, and I believe we can act and we can act with our friends and allies and reduce that threat as quickly as possible, but have no doubt about the ultimate result of them acquiring nuclear weapons.

(snip)

BARACK OBAMA: I believe the Republican Guard of Iran is a terrorist organization. I've consistently said so.

For those who don't understand why this is amusing, the Iranian military is called the Revolutionary Guard Corps.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinijahdjrhdjadhejad responded by declaring war on America and its Royal Air Force.

Upon The Feast Of The Holy Angels

If you're an Argentinian ambassador, broadcaster, clergy member, communications worker, diplomat, messenger, philatelist, postal worker, radio worker, stamp collector, telecommunications worker, television worker, ambulance driver, artist, baker, banker, boatman, cooper, EMT, fencer, greengrocer, haberdasher, hatter, knight, mariner, millener, paramedic, paratrooper, police officer, radiologist, radiotherapist, soldier, security worker, swordsmith, waterman, doctor, druggist, lover, nurse, pharmacist, physician, sheperd, traveller,or are in the Greek Air Force, then happy feast day and I hope your work goes well.

If you live in San Angelo, Portugal, Seattle, Argo, Basey, Brecht, Brussels, Cabo Rojo, Caltanissett, Castel Madama, Cerveteri, Coimbatore, Cornwall, Dormagen, Dunakeszi, England, Gaby, Germany, Iklin, Iligan, Mobile, Naranjito, Papua, Pensacola, Tallahassee, Pueblo, San Miguel de Allende, Saracinesco, Sibenik, Siegburg Abbey, Springfield, Umbria, Zeitz or Dubuque, then happy feast day, and tell your neighbor I said the same.

If you're dealing with temptation, mental illness, blindness, eye disease, insanity, nightmares, danger at sea, sickness or immanent death, then happy feast day, and I hope it all works out for you.

If you plan today to use an apothecary, bank, post office, radio, telegraph, telephone or television, then happy feast day, and I hope the service is good.

Kyle Approaches Hurricane Strength

Is Mary The Mother Of God?

Archbishop of Canterbury and eyebrow legend Dumbledore thinks so. Do you?

Paul Newman, 1925-2008

I seriously thought this guy was immortal.

The salad dressing industry will never be the same.

Favorite role (besides Butch Cassidy): Husky voice guy in The Hudsucker Proxy.

This Day In History

If Pope Paul VI were still alive, today would be his eleventy-first birthday.

Happy (posthumous) 111th, former Holy Father!

Latest Results From Our Presidential Poll

I must say, I'm slightly surprised at some of the results of our political accuracy poll. 18% of you seem to think that Barack Obama is the Antichrist, and 4% of you think the Lawless Man will turn out to be John McCain. That's a fairly telling statistic, since by the standards of Matthew 24:24, McCain seems to be deceiving a larger percentage of "the elect." Basically, the consensus is that we have a 1 in 4 chance of Jesus coming back by 2012, which is what the Mayans have been saying all along.

Also, I appreciate the raw honesty of the 4% of you that are voting for John McCain because Sarah Palin is a hottie. She certainly has more sex appeal than Joe Biden, but then again, so does the nail dystrophy on my pinky toe. And I wish to express some solidarity with the 9% of you who think it would be hilarious if the first woman president was a Republican. Who doesn't have at least a little Hillary baggage?

Joe Schriner, my personal favorite candidate in the mix, is holding steady with 18% of your support. That's an improvement of roughly 17.999% over his performance in the 2004 elections.

In all, here's the leaderboard:

McCain: 71%
Schriner: 18%
Barr: 9%
Baldwin: 8%
Obama: 4%
Paul: 4%

If you feel your candidate is underrepresented, as I do, feel free to pay people to vote for your guy, just like they do in the primaries.

The extensive poll remains on the right sidebar under the "About Me" section.

See, I Told You The Da Vinci Code Was Dangerous

A 68-year old Peruvian priest is in critical condition after being stabbed in the neck by a 25-year old man who had just finished watching The Da Vinci Code. Raiding the attacker's apartment, the police found some other interesting things:

At his flat nearby, where he lived with his mother Paola, investigators found material on the Apocalypse and the anti-Christ, and the telephone number of L'Osservatore Romano, the Vatican newspaper.

There was also a large reproduction of Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper, which is at the heart of the mystery in The Da Vinci Code, with a note pointing to one of the disciples reading: "This is the hand in which a knife is hidden".

Police also found a box on which was written "In here are the keys to the Sixth and Seventh Seals, closed by order of Satan and Jesus Christ. Give all these things to the Pope."

A rambling note read: "Between my death and my return many grave events will take place, years will pass, perhaps centuries. Christianity will be reviewed in the light of the new alliance between Jesus and the Madonna". Other notes referred to Islam, Satanism and robots.

Where does one begin? Perhaps with prayers for the Pastor who is the victim of the deluded agressor, and for the agressor himself...

Apoloblogology Presents The Closest Thing To A Fair Presidential Poll That You're Likely To Find Anywhere

Beginning now and continuing until the Illusory Leader Of The Free World is elected the morning of November 5, we will be hosting a corrective poll that hopefully provides more insight into the mind of the American voter than the bogus ones that the mainstream media puts out all the time.

When the mainstream media puts out poll questions, they usually have two to three questions on them, which are broad and general, and often answered grudgingly. Our poll consists of 36 questions, tailored not only to discern whom particular pollees want to vote for, but also to give insight into reasons for voting.

Whereas other polls might ask questions like "Do you think Barack Obama has enough experience to lead the country," a terrible yes or no question that gives zero insight into anything, our poll gives much fairer options.

We intend to accommodate those disenfranchised voters who have been squashed by the Spiral of Silence with response options such as "I'm voting for John McCain because Sarah Palin is a hottie," "Ron Paul's out but I'm voting for him anyway," "I'm voting for Barack Obama because John McCain is the Antichrist," and "I'm voting Libertarian because you can't take my guns away." Questions such as these give true documentary insight into the mind of the American voter, insight that is denied us by the lousy polls that the faux sociologists and political scientists market to the media.

The poll is located on the right sidebar of this blog just below the picture of me staring disappointedly at a gasoline pump. It will remain there until the electoral dust settles. Encourage everyone you know to vote. I predict that with the proper amount of participation, Apoloblogology will be able to tell you who the next president is before CNN does.

How I Spent My Saturday Afternoon

Yesterday, Trinity Baptist Church down the street from me hosted "Fall Brawl 2008," an evangelistic effort to the neighborhood that included Christian wresting, rap music, and free food. Naturally, I attended.

As I explained to some, I was thinking this would be a good versus evil skit format, possibly with a Christ figure being bodyslammed by a Satan figure, staying down for a three count, and then getting up and putting the serious hurt on the Satan figure. No such drama was enacted.

However, it was a good opportunity to look into the subculture of Christian wrestling, and even into the more narrow subculture of Christian women's wrestling. I think there's definitely an opportunity here to do some academic work on Christian wrestling while tying in the phone book-ripping Power Team's evangelistic approach as well. Get to work, scholars of American religion.

For a full slide show, complete with commentary from yours truly, head to my photobucket account.

Upon The Feast Of St. Januarius

Days like this really boil his blood.

Gay Boltz?

Yes, you read the headline correctly.

I want to say I'm shocked, but I think I remember certain punk rock kids on the Evangelical playground making allegations to the same effect. That was, of course, back when "gay" was simply synonymous with "not awesome."

The moral ambiguities of same sex attraction are certainly arguable. The moral ambiguities of leaving one's wife and kids to pursue the dating scene because you just gotta be you are perhaps less arguable.

Upon The Feast Of St. Joseph Of Cupertino

If you don't recognize his name, you might better recognize him as "the flying friar." When his meditative ecstasies resulted in a chronic levitation problem, he began to attract crowds at the friary to contribute their oohs and ahs to the spectacle. For this reason, he was confined to his room, which he turned into a chapel.

He is the patron saint of air travellers.

St Joseph had what we might consider a learning disability, which prevented him from ever learning to read or write. When his bishop came to do a round of ordinations, he only had time to ask St. Joseph one question, which just happened to be the one question that Joseph had stayed up all night trying to memorize.

Certainly much less competent men have been ordained.

Because of St. Joseph's great fortune at his final exam, he is also the patron saint of test takers, which explains the origins of the following prayer:

O Great St. Joseph of Cupertino, who while on earth did obtain from God the grace to be asked at your examination only the questions you knew, obtain for me a like favour in the examinations for which I am now preparing. In return I promise to make you known and cause you to be invoked.

Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

St. Joseph of Cupertino, Pray for us.

Upon The Feast Of St. Robert Bellarmine

One of the three patron saints of Cincinnati. Thanks for your intercession on the whole power outage thing.

One of the only reformers to actually reform.

This Is Probably Only Hilarious To Me Because I Am A Bengals Fan And A Catholic

"I'm open!"

Pope Changes His Name; Benedict XVI Now Known As Benedict Ocho Cinco

The Lights Are Back On

After Sunday's maelstrom, we in the Cincinnati area are beginning to finally be back in business, electricity wise. My place of employment went back online around 1:30 this morning. The humble Hartwell Homestead still remains electricity-free.

I, for one, must express my slight disappointment at the fact that we're getting the power back. These days of no electricity have been some of the most peaceful in recent memory. Odd how when there aren't televisions, ipods, computers, and cell phones to monopolize our every waking moment, people actually hang out with their neighbors. Call me crazy, but I sort of wish the Duke Energy people would have been more relaxed in their approach to Cincinnati's own localized experience of Hurricane Ike.

(That's right, I said HURRICANE Ike. He hit the tri-state Sunday afternoon with Category 1 strength.)

Went to a Panera across town yesterday just to check things out. It was a veritable laptop-fest, as young and middle aged professionals clamored for their respective pieces of the wi-fi pie. One person recounted how on Monday, two such customers were thrown out of the place because one of them, furious that he had as yet been (gasp) Unable To Check His Email, unplugged another person's power source, sparking a heated altercation that, from anecdotal reports, nearly escalated to fisticuffs.

In this great, prosperous and civilized nation, I've come to the conclusion that we are roughly five to seven telecommunications-free days away from total barbarism.

"Send a solar flare, Jesus..."

This Day In History

On September 13, 1224, St. Francis of Assisi received the stigmata. Not exactly hippie or birdbath material...

Also, on September 13, 1609, Henry Hudson discovered the Hudson River. Imagine his surprise at reaching the New World and finding a river named after him.

Upon The Feast Of St. John Chrysostom

From the gold-mouthed orator himself:

When you perceive that God is chastening you, fly not to his enemies...but to his friends, the martyrs, the saints, and those who were pleasing to him, and who have great power in God.

Humankind To Blow Up World

Skynet becoming self aware, the power going out at Jurassic park, and HAL shutting the pod bay doors combined could not equal the possible man-made catastrophe that awaits the world when a real live Doomsday Machine is switched on in Switzerland tomorrow.

That's right. A freaking Doomsday Machine.

London's Evening Standard reports:

The £5billion Large Hadron Collider aims to recreate the conditions moments after the Big Bang that created the universe.

To do this, a massive 27km tunnel has been constructed under countryside in France and Switzerland near Geneva, which will be used to smash protons together at 99.99 per cent of the speed of light.

And from Yahoo! News:

Walter L. Wagner and Luis Sancho (have) filed suit in U.S. and European courts to stop the L(arge) H(adron) C(ollider). Their theory is that the LHC will produce micro black holes and "stranglets" that may not decay as rapidly as mainstream physics predicts.

"Any miniature black hole created at rest in a collider would essentially be trapped in Earth's gravitational field, and over seconds to hours, slowly interact and acquire more mass," Wagner says on his LHCDefense.org Web site.

Basically, by using a super collider to recreate the big bang underneath Switzerland, these scientists run the risk of creating a giant black hole bigger than the black hole that rich people have already discovered in the Swiss banking system.

However, Apoloblogology Cosmological Correspondent Steven Hawking isn't buying any of it:

Stephen Hawking has bet 100 dollars (70 euros) that a mega-experiment this week will not find an elusive particle seen as a holy grail of cosmic science, he said Tuesday.

"The LHC will increase the energy at which we can study particle interactions by a factor of four. According to present thinking, this should be enough to discover the Higgs particle," Hawking told BBC radio.

"I think it will be much more exciting if we don't find the Higgs. That will show something is wrong, and we need to think again. I have a bet of 100 dollars that we won't find the Higgs," added Hawking, whose books including "A Brief History of Time" have sought to popularise study of stellar physics.

The Higgs particle is in other circles referred to as the "God particle," the thing that the infallible information agents at Wikipedia have referred to as "massless," "the only Standard Model particle not yet observed" and the thing that "if it exists... is an integral and pervasive component of the material world."

Dude. Seriously. We Christians have believed in a massless, scientifically unobservable, integral, pervasive, universe creating force since the beginning. And we're not dumb enough to think we can command it, which has never stopped some of us from trying. I guess everybody wants to play God in one sense or another.

Joe Biden Believes That Human Life Begins At Conception

Me too. But like him, just because I believe all human beings are made in the in the image of God, that doesn't mean I believe they should be protected from genocide under the law.

So much for social justice. Where's Tim Russert when you need him?

30:50.



Am I the only one who thinks the entire political universe has gone nuts?

I'm Probably The Last Person To Pick Up On This, But...

I still consider it entertaining. Is anybody else amused by the fact that TIME and US Weekly are now competing for candidate cover face time? I went to bed one night and woke up to find rock stars all over the political landscape. Am I alone in thinking that this election is starting to feel like "American Idol?"

But I digress.



I would have thought this to be a fascinating coincidence, except for the fact that it doesn't happen to be the only time the Lightworker has borrowed from Deval Patrick:



And perhaps the best-edited comprehensive piece on the whole controversy:

My Two Favorite Quotes About Sarah Palin So Far

From Peggy Noonan via Mark Shea:

She is... a feminist of the "How do you reload this thang?" variety rather than of the "I was a victim all my life till my consciousness was raised in Women's Studies at Yale and I learned to be a Professionally Aggrieved Grievance Professional" variety.

And from TakiMag via Steve Skojec:

"Voting for McCain because Palin is on the ticket would be like buying a ticket for a Hanna Montana concert because Jimi Hendrix was on guitar."

Thanks for finally making things interesting, Republicans.

Former National Chairman Of The Democratic National Committee Don Fowler Is The New Jerry Falwell

This Day In History

From August 28 to September 2, 1859, a solar superstorm of surprising magnitude severely affected telegraph communications here on earth, partially crippling technology for a brief spell.

Amen, even so, Come Lord Jesus.

By the way, on our Robot Rock Opera based on the book of Judges that will come out once I have a large disposable income and enough of an ego decrease to start working with other musicians again, we've penned this following prayer for deliverance from robotic oppression that will be included in the magnum opus:

Send a solar flare, Jesus,
Send a solar flare tonight,
Send it like a rocket from a dyin' sun,
To knock out all the sattelites.

Send a solar flare, Jesus,
Send it on a bullet train,
The time has come,
We've come undone,
So come reign,
We complain...

Send a solar flare Jesus,
Send it if you hear our cry,
If you don't intercede
with a marvelous deed,
Then we are all gonna die.

Trust us, it makes sense with the music in the background.